* Saudade *
My latest ipad sketch using ProCreate of the ever awesome Sara Fabel.
I didn’t like the way my sketch was going so I added some outlines
to make it a bit more interesting.
And I have no clue to talk about it with anyone. The only person I want to say that I am a bit depressed and going down a bad road is always busy. I know she’ll make time for me, but she can’t help. No one can. I am just fucked up and I can’t look at the bright side of things. I know I should be thankful for things, but all i feel like it has all gone down to shit. I have no one really on my side. I am just alone and afraid of how much I enjoy doing drugs. I see how this destroys people, but I feel like I can handle my shit. I don’t go over board with anything and I don’t mix this pleasure with work. I put school in first place, but there are times that I just want a high. I want to forget the world… I don’t know where I’m going and I don’t care anymore. Every attempt is useless and I don’t understand how I can be not okay right now. I just want to cry and don’t know where… but I have to make time to cry. First comes work. I just want to feel happy, but I am not happy and I don’t know what is making me feel sad. Maybe I should go to a psychiatrist…. Is that a boy that only makes me feel happy? Is it that I’m really depressed and can’t feel happy. I don’t know… I’m so tired of feeling like this… hopefully better days will come.
